$100 Bill Toilet Paper
Harry Potter Lego Set
My fancy office chair squeaks when I rock back and forth in it. It didn’t use to
do that. Maybe I should oil it. I notice it squeaks and creaks in between
thoughts. I think when my train of thought switches, my body moves along with it
and that moves the chair. Maybe I should oil my thought processes to run more
efficiently. I’d probably use fish oil. It’d lube my brain and burn some fat. My
mom says she does these weird exercises in front of the TV to “whittle my
middle”. Who am I to argue?
I get paid to help people whittle their middle. Maybe I should start a marketing
campaign around that. I gotta come up with some exercise product to sell on an
infomercial. The Middle Whittler. Or Widdler? I don’t know, I’m running out of
steam here. I don’t think this would fly on Shark Tank. I can already hear Mark
Cuban “…and for that reason, I’m out”. I used to think I could pitch and catch
with the best of em’. This pitch looks like I’ll need to have Tommy John surgery.
If you get the reference, you deserve a fist bump. It’ll have to be with my left
hand though. I’m a righty and as you know I’m heading in to get surgery on the
tendons in my sales pitch.
Years ago I actually trained one of the guys involved with bringing one of those
abs contraptions you’d see on those late night infomercials. He joined the gym I
worked at, and I ended up training him once in a while. Why once in a while?
Because this guy rolled in dough like Scrooge McDuck. He’d travel to the most
exotic locations on earth every week or two. I asked and received some “back
office” info on how the whole fitness product infomercial world worked. Pretty
much sleazy like I expected. However, it blew me away when he told me straight up
that it had nothing to do with the actual results or if it worked at all. They
purely base the whole gig on if they can get a ton of people to buy it. I can’t
imagine selling a package of personal training sessions to someone and not caring
if they get that result or not.
When you exercise, do you do it for the end result, or do you enjoy the process?
Or both? What’s more important to you? The answer to this question should open up
some new thoughts. Run with it. Simple awareness sometimes shines a light so
bright that miracles happen. If you ask me, you’d ideally want a balance- you
want the result and you want to enjoy the process. I see far too many people out
of balance to one side or the other. They drop out of exercise with much greater
frequency than the balanced people.
My chair just squeaked so apparently it’s time for a new thought. Good talk.
Quick one today. It’s pretty late at night and I just wanted to stretch the
fingers a bit before heading to bed. I should probably be typing only with my
left hand after Mark Cuban bitch-slapped my idea and stomped on it. I know! I’ll
go back with an idea for an oil to rub on your stomach to make fat slide off.
The Little Black Book Of Kama Sutra